When the Holidays Feel Heavy: Navigating Grief and Caregiving with Grace

The holidays are often painted as a season of joy, togetherness, and celebration. Yet for many, this time of year can feel anything but joyful. The endless to-do lists, social expectations, and financial pressures can be stressful enough on their own. Add the weight of caring for a loved one—or the ache of missing someone who’s no longer here—and the holidays can feel less like a time of peace and more like something to simply endure.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Grief and caregiving don’t take a holiday. It’s okay if your season looks different this year. You don’t have to force joy or live up to anyone else’s version of what the holidays “should” be. Give yourself permission to move through this season with gentleness, self-compassion, and honesty about what you truly need.

One of the most healing things you can do is honor what you feel. Whatever arises—sadness, frustration, exhaustion, or even brief moments of laughter and peace—let it come. There’s no “right” way to feel this time of year. Suppressing emotions adds to the weight, while acknowledging them can bring relief. Tears can heal, and laughter doesn’t diminish your love or loss.

Alongside honoring your emotions, tending to your body is just as important. Rest is essential. Both grief and caregiving can be physically and emotionally draining, so make rest a priority. Let go of the idea that you have to do it all. When your body and mind are rested, you’ll have more clarity and strength to face what comes.

You might also find it helpful to simplify or adjust traditions. If hosting feels overwhelming, let someone else take the lead while you bring a favorite dish. If cutting down a tree feels like too much, choose a small tabletop version or skip it altogether. Even shopping can be simplified—order online, or opt out entirely. Setting boundaries and scaling back helps you conserve energy for what truly matters.

At times, shifting your focus outward can bring a sense of connection. If your heart feels open, consider small acts of kindness—volunteering, visiting someone who’s homebound, or donating in your loved one’s name. Sometimes, helping others can bring light to dark days. But if you’re caregiving or simply don’t have the energy, that’s perfectly okay too. You’re doing enough just by caring, grieving, and showing up as best you can.

It can also be hard to hear the cheerful “Happy Holidays” everywhere you go. Remember, you don’t have to match anyone else’s mood. A simple smile, nod, or quiet “best wishes” is enough. You’re allowed to show up authentically, even if your heart feels tender.

And often, the anticipation of the holidays is harder than the days themselves. Our minds build up so much emotion in the waiting, but when the day arrives, it’s often gentler than we imagined. Whatever you choose to do—or not do—there are no rules. You get to define what this season looks like for you. In time, the holidays will take on new meaning again. Joy will return, though perhaps in quieter, simpler ways.  However this season unfolds, may you find small moments of rest, love, and grace—reminders that peace can exist even in the midst of pain.